Listening Thoughts (a strange oxymoron)

It will take me awhile to actually speak in our roundtable discussions.  When I do, my face will get ridiculously red until I actually feel comfortable.  When I say, "you'll see"... I couldn't be more honest!


Jeepers, when we started talking about being quick to listen, I thought of "Be still" (and know that I am God)... it sure is hard to listen when you are not still.  Being slow to speak allows me to be willing to listen to what God wants to show me or teach me.  


But straight up, when I read "slow to become angry" two things come to mind: 1) I fall so short of this and 2) what about justice!  I love justice and I fight for it constantly.  I am not a fighter and I don't like confrontation anymore than anyone else.  But anger ignites the passion to pursue opportunity for justice... BUT, being quick to listen and slow to speak allows justice to be delivered in a Godly way.  As much as I am angry about the plight of children internationally, God gives us His word.  He gives us His promise in Psalm 103:6, "The Lord works righteousness and justice for all of the oppressed."  How many years have I tried to fight the sex trade with my intellect and with my North Orange County means of a recent college graduate or by educating people, attending events, and spreading awareness to the point of emotional exhaustion because I will always fall short?  There are too many problems and so much to do.  Every passing minute is sacred to a life and a fallen dream.  But listen!  Shut your mouth and listen to Him.


And for the record, it is really hard to be slow to speak when I so badly don't want to be misunderstood.  I want to be heard and I want to be understood for exactly what I mean, every blessed time I talk.  But, my goodness, if I shut my mouth, perhaps the understanding that I long for will finally have its opportunity.


I would definitely not say I am a poor listener... but I am really good at talking.  It's verges on annoying, even for me, as I fight with the right words and the exact syntax and diction to be fully and completely not misunderstood.  I hold every word in it's own haven to be analyzed and dissected for exactly what it means... maybe not even what the speaking individual meant through their words, but for what their words properly said.  Being slow to speak allows the opportunity to hear people for what they are actually trying to say, not for what their words, by count of the dictionary, literally mean.    


I'm at a point now in life where two specific things are happening in my relationship with God.  I am connecting parts of the Bible together to form a more whole understanding of who He is.  And, I am realizing the magnitude of everything I have learned and can easily regurgitate from 23 years of Sunday School.


So, for me, James One is a part of the same connect-the-dots picture as Psalm 103 and Psalm 46:10.  God sure writes the best narrative arc I've ever read, with Himself as the ultimate and beautiful apex. He's the ultimate author.