tough week. it's been tough for awhile... but this week I broke. at work. at home. in my car. at church.
trying to separate the lies of satan from things I sincerely need to work on.
trying to make decisions and getting very frustrated as I see little to no tangible fruit of them.
my perception of life may be off, and I apologize, but while trying to run through the mud of what it sure feels like, it is getting difficult to not feel the pain or be constantly aware of it.
I tried to heal a friendship this week. it completely backfired. the morning after, all I can think is oh no.
I am praying to put on my new self everyday... the one that looks and feels like ME. I am grateful for the freedom, for the changes, for the newness with God, and my understanding of Christ.
but I am sad. I am discouraged because I don't see the fruit. I KNOW He is God and He is working.
but when I flip out on Him because I can't see through the mud, I am an unbelieving, unfaithful, and untrusting daughter... and after all He's done and all He is and all how He loves me-- I am so sorry.
We can rarely see ALL that God has for us and all that He wants to bless us with for His glory because we simply choose to look at the wall and question it than see the ladder that leads over the wall. It's a lot easier to question than to climb. Climbing is hard, and you may or may not fail. But God promises to get us over the wall if we trust Him. He does not tell us how we will get over, when we will get over or in what condition we will get over, but that's where faith comes in. Keep climbing.
ReplyDeleteJenna, this makes me so sad. It breaks my heart to always see you in such struggle and heartache. I'm going to pray for you right now, but I also want to say a few things. Jenna you need to protect your heart. You need to try your best to not listen to the lies that Satan is telling you. You can do this by being SO enveloped in the Word. I think both of us can sometimes drive ourselves more crazy by analyzing situations and trying to process things to a point. Love, there is so much truth and validity in scripture. One lesson that I'm learning right now is to not find my value in anything except for the Lord. Seriously, ANYTHING. Not friendships, not jobs, not romantic relationships, not conversations... nothing. It is so hard, but so freeing. Try to keep a clear and sober minded perspective on life and remember that we are here to be solely ministers of Christ and nothing else.
ReplyDeleteThough your flesh and heart may fail, may God continue to be your strength and portion forever. ( cant think where this is in the Bible ) Praying this over you. Jenna, remember that God's purposes for His kids are assured. They will triumph over any and all contradictory forces that come against them. I pray that God continues to preserve you, and that he remains in operation through all that comes to pass. He is faithful.
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